One year!!

Emmett turns one year old today.

One year ago today, my life was filled with more happiness than I have ever felt.  When my baby was thrown up onto my chest, I became a mom, something I wanted for quite some time.  I went from saying funny things while I was in labor, such as “Why would anyone put themselves through this twice??!” to the happiest Ethan has ever seen me.  For the record, it took 2 minutes for me to say that I would totally do it again.  Apparently mom-nesia set in quick for me!  The next few hours were filled with holding Emmett and smiling so much that I thought I would not be able to have other facial expressions.  I understand when people say that the day their child was born was the best day of their life.  The extreme joy I felt is enough for me to say the same thing.

My little thumb sucker

While “time flies” feels correct, it also doesn’t.  I’ve watched Emmett go from a small, stationary, needy 7 pounder to a big, mobile, needy 23 pounder.  I’ve seen him lift his head up higher and higher, smile, move around on his belly, pet Libby, “read” books, chew on toys, suck his thumb, go up on all 4s, sit up by himself, make first sounds, laugh at Ethan tickling him, crawl, pull to stand, “talk”, take first steps, watched how his little brain is developing different skills.  I’ve gotten to enjoy this whole first year at home, with him almost every hour he’s been awake.  I’ve put Emmett down for almost every nap and almost every bedtime.

I’ve had times, usually just in ordinary moments, where I just stare at Emmett and am overwhelmed by how much love I have for him.  One of my friends was talking about how we aren't even adopted into God's family, but God wanted us and made us...I could only think about my desire to be a mom and the years I waited for it.  How I now have this beautiful son who I wanted for so long, who now says "Mama" and holds out his arms to me.  How we have this relationship with Abba Father.  How often I only have "Abba, Father, I love you, Daddy" to say.  The pure love that comes from a baby, with no language to express himself, just "Mama" and his beautiful smile.  Holy crap.  Sometimes it feels too much to handle.

I will not say that I have enjoyed every moment, as babies can’t fully communicate (in english) what they want and I don’t always have an answer for those weird times.  At the end of every day, though, I have been so thankful that I got to be with and experience it all with him.  I’m so thankful that God takes care of us financially so that my staying home with Emmett is possible.  Thankful to Ethan for being such a great man to work for us, a great husband who is so patient with me and shows love every day, a great father who our son adores and wants to be around.  Thankful for the wonderful, happy son who loves his Mama so much.

I’m so looking forward to continuing watching Emmett grow up, to learn new things, to have new experiences.  This past year has been the best year of my life, and I can only see things getting better.

He does <3 hugs.

Oh!

 

"I'm happiest when I'm with my mom."

I'm Okay, You're Okay

It’s amazing to me all the different parenting decisions.  There is stay-at-home and working, crib and family bed, formula and breast fed, cry or no cry, BabyWise and Attachment, baby wearing and not, demand feeding and scheduled feeding, spanking and not, public school and private school and homeschooling, vaccinating and not, disposable and cloth diapers, schedule and go-with-the-flow.  So many decisions that a parent has to make, all with just one goal in mind: doing what is best for your child.  I believe that since we are trying to do what is best for our child, we let our pride come in and say that our way is the only way.  But from just this small list, one can see that there are many different options for each family.

It’s interesting to me that we can say that each child is unique, but at the same time, believe that there is only one right way to parent.  It seems pretty clear that each decision that can be made, can be different for each child.  Why do we as parents find our way to be far superior than another’s way?  Why don’t we just see a differing view as what it is, someone choosing a different way than our own?  Research, schmesearch.  We are all doing it right, no matter when your kid sleeps through the night, how green you are, if you breastfeed once or for two years.  No one is setting out with the mindset of, “Let’s see if this way screws my kid up!”  Show a little love today for those parents are choosing a different path for their family and keep in mind that they love their kid as much as you love yours.

Desperate review

Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe
by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson

I’ve been looking forward to reading this book for a while, since I’ve read so many good things on blogs I read.  I didn’t love the start, but I’m glad that I pushed through.  I enjoyed reading this book.

To be honest, I didn’t love some of the writing from Sarah Mae at the beginning of the book.  She sounded negative and I just didn’t agree.  By the middle of the book, I could understand more of her message and by the end I was looking for more books by her!

This was my first Sally Clarkson book and will for sure not be the last.  I really liked her writing style and she seemed like an experienced, older woman that I would want to be friends with in real life.  She wrote some good truths.  I’m finding that books of this nature are just what I’m needing right now, figuring out life as a stay-at-home mom with a young child.  These women speak about things that go through my head but I can’t fully explain.  It’s always wonderful to not feel like you are the only one dealing with situations, thoughts, and struggles that you are going through.

In each chapter there was a note from Sarah to Sally and one back which was related to the chapter focus.  Sarah started the chapter with her words and Sally finished.  I felt like I was getting prepared for what I was about to read, told experience stories from Sarah and finished with wisdom and experience from Sally.  Great layout.

I recommend this book to moms of any age, especially new moms or ones with many children.

Cleaning House review

Cleaning House: A Mom’s Twelve-Month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement

by Kay Wills Wyma

What an excellent book.  The family focused on one thing each month, such as hosting a party, learning to fix things around the house, and laundry.  Wyma found that her kids just expected everything to be done for them, clean clothes, toilet paper, buying a car.  She wanted to show them the behind the scenes of everyday living.  She had them grocery shop, cook a meal a week, make their bed, plan a party from start to finish, do big house projects, clean the bathroom, work together for a greater goal, serve others, and learn manners.

I appreciated reading this book now, when Emmett is just a baby, to prevent too much entitlement.  I will also read it again later on, to be reminded and for ideas to focus on.  Wyma told about her “enabling” of her kids, due a lot to her wanting things done right.  I think this happens a lot now days, except it’s usually because it is just quicker for mom to take care of things than it takes to teach the skills.  In our fast-paced world, it’s probably true, but this doesn’t help our children later on in their life.  Mom won’t always be there to pick up toilet paper and do housework for her kids.  

I’m really hoping that I will take the time to teach Emmett (and any other children we have) early on, even though it will take more time and won’t be done just exactly how I like it.  

From the manners chapter, three “rules” in dealing with people:

1. Address adults by name and look them in the eye.  “Hi, Mrs. Someone...”
2. Thank people by name.  “Thanks for the help, Lucy.”
3. Answer a question with a question.  “I’m well, how are you doing?”

3 points I especially liked:

Future spouses will most certainly thank us for equipping their husbands and wives in practical living skills.

Culture doesn't determine who people become.  People determine what the culture will be.  Might our equipped, empowered, unentitled kids be the ones who set the course for the future.

Do I love them enough to step aside rather than step in?

Bringing Up Bèbè review

Bringing Up Bèbè: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting

by Pamela Druckerman

First off, I loved this book.

Excellent book about an American mother observing and researching French parenting while living in Paris.  It is interesting to me to learn about other cultures and of course, I love reading anything about parenting.  The French have babies that sleep through the night by three months, eat all kinds of foods, are polite to people and respectful of their parents.  I found myself agreeing with most all of what the French do in their parenting and the reasoning behind it.

One of the first things I loved in the book was what the author calls “The Pause.”  Instead of rushing to baby when the baby cries, the French listen to determine what the cry is for.  During sleep, this means giving baby some time to learn how to transition between sleep cycles.  During non-sleep times, French parents watch and observe why the baby might be crying-hunger, dirty diaper, needs a cuddle.  I did this with Emmett pretty early on and I think that it is the reason that he cried very little the first night I didn’t go into his room overnight, he just needed a few more minutes to fall back asleep.

The French view this as the beginning of teaching their child patience in waiting.  They view waiting as a cornerstone of raising kids.  Waiting can be frustrating as a kid, but it is a very important skill to teach them.  We should not mistake this frustration as bad parenting, but as a stepping stone to building happier, more resilient people.  Caroline Thompson, a family psychologist in Paris, says, “If the parent can’t stand the fact of being hated, then he won’t frustrate the child, and then the child will be in a situation where he will be the object of his own tyranny, where basically he has to deal with his own greed and his own need for things.  If the parent isn’t there to stop him, then he’s the one who’s going to have to stop himself or not stop himself, and that’s much more anxiety-provoking” (pages 74-75).

The philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau said, “Do you know the surest means of making your child miserable?  It is to accustom him to getting everything.  Since his desires grow constantly due to the ease of satisfying them, sooner or later powerlessness will force you, in spite of yourself, to end up with a refusal.  And this unaccustomed refusal will give him more torment than being deprived of what he desires” (page 84).

The book often mentions the French cadre--or frame--for the French model of parenting.  This basically means that the parents are very strict about certain things but within those limits are very relaxed, a firm frame surrounding a lot of freedom.

The French don’t dole out praise about everything the way Americans do.  I totally believe that positive reinforcement works in behavior modification, but I think we take it to an extreme.  What used to be called the “loser bracket” in a tournament is now called the “friendship bracket” as someone thought that kids would feel bad about having lost, therefore going to the “loser” bracket.  Kids get ribbons and trophies just for participating.  Even one of the 10-year-old girls that I coached last summer said something to the effect of, “Why are we getting a trophy, we didn’t even win one game.”  

French parents don’t feel the need to give praise for every picture drawn, every bite eaten, every word spoken, every right answer.  The author concedes, “I’m starting to suspect that French parents may be right in giving less praise.  Perhaps they realize that those little zaps of pleasure kids get each time a grown-up says ‘good job’could--if they arrive too often--simply make kids addicted to positive feedback.  after a while, they’ll need someone else’s approval to feel good about themselves.  And if kids are assured of praise for whatever they do, then they won’t need to try very hard.  They’ll be praised anyway” (page 254).

This is a book I would recommend for anyone to read, especially those who deal with babies and children.

No Need to Rush

I read once about a mom who was bringing up her last baby.  She wanted to savor everything and not rush the milestones along.

I want to savor everything with Emmett, because if we have more children, I will not have the time to.

I don’t feel that Emmett needs to achieve all the milestones ahead of every other baby around.  He will reach them at some point.  How many adults do you see (who don’t have a disability) that are just army crawling around everywhere?  I would like for this baby stage to last awhile, as when it is past, I don’t get it again with Emmett.  So I just give Emmett tummy time (which he really seems to enjoy) without the pressure of needing to roll over by 4 months or start crawling by 6 months.

Emmett rolled over for the first time at just over 5 months.  His top half went to the side, where it stayed for about a minute while he was jabbering, then his bottom half went over.  He looked mildly surprised and slightly amused that he was now looking at the ceiling fan.  I did the mom-cheerleader thing and clapped for him and said “Good job, Buddy!”  Then we went on playing.  It took him another week to do it again.  I didn’t mind at all.

Sometimes when I’m talking to others, I get caught up in the competition of “my kid is better than your kid.”  Then I think about how I am approaching Emmett’s growing up.  Good for your child that he rolled over at 3 1/2 months.  Reaching these milestones doesn’t have to be a reflection on what kind of parent I am.  Some kids roll over out of frustration at 2 months because they hate tummy time, while Emmett was chilling during tummy time for 20 minutes while he was 5 months old!  He just seemed to enjoy looking around from that view, content to be able to see things other than the ceiling!  Really, how can that reflect who I am as his parent?

I do brag about what a great night-sleeper Emmett is, as I was so excited to get to sleep through the night so quickly after having him.  He was sleeping 11 hours per night at 2 months, 12 hours per night at 3 months.  He’s great.

Sometimes people who have worked for kids to sleep through the night or go through other milestones quickly have opinions that they feel they must share.  I was talking with an extended family member and he asked how sleeping was going.  I said 12 hours a night!  He thought I was joking, as his one-year-old still wasn’t sleeping through the night.  We might have talked about letting them cry a little bit overnight, but I realized something.  The way others want to parent is the way they want to parent, the way they chose to parent.  They don’t need someone coming in to tell them how to do it, just as I don't need it.  What is right for me is not always right for others.

Sometimes people will ask for advice or wonder how it happened for us, that is the time it is appropriate to talk about it.  Unsolicited advice can sometimes come across as “You don’t know what you’re doing, so let me tell you how to do it right.”  That is not helpful for a parent.  There are already doubts going on in their head (especially when the milestone isn’t happening at the “right” time), they don’t need someone coming in to confirm it.

Show confidence in others by leaving your thoughts in your head, instead of coming across as that person who is a “know-it-all” but no one wants to be around.

“The days are long, but the years are short.”  I'm really trying to savor the time I have while Emmett is just a little baby, as I know that all too soon he will be grown up and I won't get these times back.

Live in the moment, capture some of them on camera!