One year!!

Emmett turns one year old today.

One year ago today, my life was filled with more happiness than I have ever felt.  When my baby was thrown up onto my chest, I became a mom, something I wanted for quite some time.  I went from saying funny things while I was in labor, such as “Why would anyone put themselves through this twice??!” to the happiest Ethan has ever seen me.  For the record, it took 2 minutes for me to say that I would totally do it again.  Apparently mom-nesia set in quick for me!  The next few hours were filled with holding Emmett and smiling so much that I thought I would not be able to have other facial expressions.  I understand when people say that the day their child was born was the best day of their life.  The extreme joy I felt is enough for me to say the same thing.

My little thumb sucker

While “time flies” feels correct, it also doesn’t.  I’ve watched Emmett go from a small, stationary, needy 7 pounder to a big, mobile, needy 23 pounder.  I’ve seen him lift his head up higher and higher, smile, move around on his belly, pet Libby, “read” books, chew on toys, suck his thumb, go up on all 4s, sit up by himself, make first sounds, laugh at Ethan tickling him, crawl, pull to stand, “talk”, take first steps, watched how his little brain is developing different skills.  I’ve gotten to enjoy this whole first year at home, with him almost every hour he’s been awake.  I’ve put Emmett down for almost every nap and almost every bedtime.

I’ve had times, usually just in ordinary moments, where I just stare at Emmett and am overwhelmed by how much love I have for him.  One of my friends was talking about how we aren't even adopted into God's family, but God wanted us and made us...I could only think about my desire to be a mom and the years I waited for it.  How I now have this beautiful son who I wanted for so long, who now says "Mama" and holds out his arms to me.  How we have this relationship with Abba Father.  How often I only have "Abba, Father, I love you, Daddy" to say.  The pure love that comes from a baby, with no language to express himself, just "Mama" and his beautiful smile.  Holy crap.  Sometimes it feels too much to handle.

I will not say that I have enjoyed every moment, as babies can’t fully communicate (in english) what they want and I don’t always have an answer for those weird times.  At the end of every day, though, I have been so thankful that I got to be with and experience it all with him.  I’m so thankful that God takes care of us financially so that my staying home with Emmett is possible.  Thankful to Ethan for being such a great man to work for us, a great husband who is so patient with me and shows love every day, a great father who our son adores and wants to be around.  Thankful for the wonderful, happy son who loves his Mama so much.

I’m so looking forward to continuing watching Emmett grow up, to learn new things, to have new experiences.  This past year has been the best year of my life, and I can only see things getting better.

He does <3 hugs.

Oh!

 

"I'm happiest when I'm with my mom."

Desperate review

Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe
by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson

I’ve been looking forward to reading this book for a while, since I’ve read so many good things on blogs I read.  I didn’t love the start, but I’m glad that I pushed through.  I enjoyed reading this book.

To be honest, I didn’t love some of the writing from Sarah Mae at the beginning of the book.  She sounded negative and I just didn’t agree.  By the middle of the book, I could understand more of her message and by the end I was looking for more books by her!

This was my first Sally Clarkson book and will for sure not be the last.  I really liked her writing style and she seemed like an experienced, older woman that I would want to be friends with in real life.  She wrote some good truths.  I’m finding that books of this nature are just what I’m needing right now, figuring out life as a stay-at-home mom with a young child.  These women speak about things that go through my head but I can’t fully explain.  It’s always wonderful to not feel like you are the only one dealing with situations, thoughts, and struggles that you are going through.

In each chapter there was a note from Sarah to Sally and one back which was related to the chapter focus.  Sarah started the chapter with her words and Sally finished.  I felt like I was getting prepared for what I was about to read, told experience stories from Sarah and finished with wisdom and experience from Sally.  Great layout.

I recommend this book to moms of any age, especially new moms or ones with many children.

Bringing Up Bèbè review

Bringing Up Bèbè: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting

by Pamela Druckerman

First off, I loved this book.

Excellent book about an American mother observing and researching French parenting while living in Paris.  It is interesting to me to learn about other cultures and of course, I love reading anything about parenting.  The French have babies that sleep through the night by three months, eat all kinds of foods, are polite to people and respectful of their parents.  I found myself agreeing with most all of what the French do in their parenting and the reasoning behind it.

One of the first things I loved in the book was what the author calls “The Pause.”  Instead of rushing to baby when the baby cries, the French listen to determine what the cry is for.  During sleep, this means giving baby some time to learn how to transition between sleep cycles.  During non-sleep times, French parents watch and observe why the baby might be crying-hunger, dirty diaper, needs a cuddle.  I did this with Emmett pretty early on and I think that it is the reason that he cried very little the first night I didn’t go into his room overnight, he just needed a few more minutes to fall back asleep.

The French view this as the beginning of teaching their child patience in waiting.  They view waiting as a cornerstone of raising kids.  Waiting can be frustrating as a kid, but it is a very important skill to teach them.  We should not mistake this frustration as bad parenting, but as a stepping stone to building happier, more resilient people.  Caroline Thompson, a family psychologist in Paris, says, “If the parent can’t stand the fact of being hated, then he won’t frustrate the child, and then the child will be in a situation where he will be the object of his own tyranny, where basically he has to deal with his own greed and his own need for things.  If the parent isn’t there to stop him, then he’s the one who’s going to have to stop himself or not stop himself, and that’s much more anxiety-provoking” (pages 74-75).

The philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau said, “Do you know the surest means of making your child miserable?  It is to accustom him to getting everything.  Since his desires grow constantly due to the ease of satisfying them, sooner or later powerlessness will force you, in spite of yourself, to end up with a refusal.  And this unaccustomed refusal will give him more torment than being deprived of what he desires” (page 84).

The book often mentions the French cadre--or frame--for the French model of parenting.  This basically means that the parents are very strict about certain things but within those limits are very relaxed, a firm frame surrounding a lot of freedom.

The French don’t dole out praise about everything the way Americans do.  I totally believe that positive reinforcement works in behavior modification, but I think we take it to an extreme.  What used to be called the “loser bracket” in a tournament is now called the “friendship bracket” as someone thought that kids would feel bad about having lost, therefore going to the “loser” bracket.  Kids get ribbons and trophies just for participating.  Even one of the 10-year-old girls that I coached last summer said something to the effect of, “Why are we getting a trophy, we didn’t even win one game.”  

French parents don’t feel the need to give praise for every picture drawn, every bite eaten, every word spoken, every right answer.  The author concedes, “I’m starting to suspect that French parents may be right in giving less praise.  Perhaps they realize that those little zaps of pleasure kids get each time a grown-up says ‘good job’could--if they arrive too often--simply make kids addicted to positive feedback.  after a while, they’ll need someone else’s approval to feel good about themselves.  And if kids are assured of praise for whatever they do, then they won’t need to try very hard.  They’ll be praised anyway” (page 254).

This is a book I would recommend for anyone to read, especially those who deal with babies and children.

Sippy Cups book review

Sippy Cups Are Not For Chardonnay: And Other Things I Had to Learn as a New Mom

by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor

This book is kind of a blog with binding.  It is a collection of short essays, just a few pages, and is not a parenting book.  She is a little crass at times, but it was a fun read.  My favorite part came about halfway through:

“It’s true what the books say.  All babies are on their own time lines.  Maybe your one-year-old isn’t thinking about walking because he’s figuring out difficult mathematical equations in his little head.  Maybe your baby walks at nine months but won’t utter a word until she’s six.

“It’s not a race.  If your baby is an early walker, it means that you have to childproof faster.  If they’re talking early, it means listening to an extra six months of gibberish.  Enjoy the quiet while you still can” (page106).

I think babies grow up too fast anyway, no need to push them.  This book is a good read for people who like reading biographies and memoirs or need a break from the how-to books.

I Was A Really Good Mom Review

I Was A Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids

by Trisha Ashworth

This book is nothing like I thought it would be.  I thought it was going to be about how women without kids judge women with kids until they have their own, when everything they once judged becomes their norm.

Instead, I’ve found wisdom in what I have been thinking and feeling.  Sometimes I feel like I have certain expectations to live up to.  Turns out, other moms have felt these high expectations.  What a relief!

As I read this book, I got more and more confidence that I am doing a good job being a mom.  I'm not the only one who stresses out because I'm stressing out over the baby.  Many of the experiences I was having as a new mom, someone had gone before me and felt the same way I did through it.  The smiles and giggles from my Emmett increase that confidence as well.

I will also say that since reading this book, either Emmett has gotten easier (let's be serious, he's super easy, so it must not be that he has gotten easier) or I have found myself less stressed out about things that used to bother me.  I give myself freedom to not get stressed out, to take a breath when I need to.

I encourage women who are not moms yet to read this so they can set reasonable expectations and see what may happen later on to be prepared.  I also encourage moms at any stage to read this and find out that you are, in fact, normal.  What a freeing book.

My necessities for the baby

There are so many things that a new mom can get, which is sometimes overwhelming and for sure cluttering.  Here's my list for things that I actually used in the first few months.  

Crib

(Somewhere to sleep.  I chose to start Emmett in the crib right away, so I could sleep without hearing all the noises babies make.  It was a bit of a battle, but very worthwhile to me.)

Crib sheets

(A couple, as babies can pee a lot, spit up, or poop while they're in the crib)

Pack-n-play

(If you will be traveling or your baby will be sleeping elsewhere, this is so helpful, especially when baby starts being more mobile.  Emmett slept on beds elsewhere sometimes, but can no longer, as he's now a mover!)

Sleep Sacks 

(For swaddling newborn-I used these for the first month or so, but so helpful!  The swaddling helped so baby didn't smack himself with his flailing arms and wake himself up.)

Onesies 

(white and fun ones)

Sleepers 

(and other footies for the daytime and warmer nights-Emmett wears these the most out of all his clothing options, it’s nice to have his feet covered and he kicks off socks so often)

Diapers/wipes

(We used disposables for the first bit, now we use pocket and all-in-one cloth diapers during the day and a good disposable for over night--12 hours of sleep makes for a super wet diaper!)

Diaper bag

(gotta have some type of bag for extra diapers and clothing changes for blowouts and toys and other things needed to carry around)

Car seat

(can’t leave the hospital without this one!  I like that ours goes up to 30 pounds, as Emmett was 18.5lbs at 6 months...)

Swing/bouncer

(great for when arms get tired or doing something that needs 2 hands, some kids don’t love these things, but Emmett did fine in them)

"Look at these cool TOYS, mom!"

Stroller

(Not totally a necessity I guess, but I liked having it for walks or going somewhere that I didn't want to be carrying the car seat or baby the whole time.)

Carrier

(Nice for going out when you don’t want to put the baby in the stroller while out or getting stuff done around the house)

Changing table

(or just a clean area for diaper changes.  We have Libby, so I preferred an actual table.)

Baby bathtub

(Keeps baby in one place and uses less water than the whole tub.  Babies don't need to bathe that often, so you could just hold baby in the sink or something too.)

Blanket

(for obvious reasons and uses-and for tummy time, as floors can be hard/dirty)

Burp rags

(Emmett was a spit-up-er, so these were needed to keep clothes somewhat clean)

Bottle

(Sometimes mom needs to leave the house or sleep, someone else can give baby a bottle.  We were advised not to give a bottle or pacifier before 1 month, to establish breast-feeding.)

Minimal amount of toys

(Emmett didn’t seem all that interested in toys until around 3-4 months, and especially when his gums started getting primed for teeth.  He doesn’t need a ton of options right now, as he doesn’t get bored with toys yet.)

Books

(Always good to read to a baby, helps with later education and building the brain.)

Things that I didn't have or didn't use:

Wipe warmer

(his little bottom got used to being wiped with a room temperature wipe real quickly)

Boppy pillow

(I thought that I was going to use this a lot, but found I didn't need it at all.  We sometimes use it while Emmett is awake, but less than 10 times in 6 months.)

The surplus of toys

(Everything is new to a baby, so the toys are a bit unnecessary.  We have a few, but didn't need a ton.)

Privacy cover for feeding

(A blanket worked fine, most of the time I didn't want to cover his face.)

All the cute newborn outfits

(Let's be real, I had Emmett in footies and sleepers unless we went somewhere.  It was just easier, since he woke up if a sock came off, and he was sleeping so much!)

Play mat

(Emmett is super content on a blanket, so the play mat didn't get used much.)

Bumbo chair

(I liked holding Emmett in a sitting position or having him on the floor for tummy time.  We now have borrowed one from a friend and Emmett's thighs are too big!  No biggie, as he's learning to sit up on his own now.)

Things always to say to pregnant women/new moms:

There were some comments that people said during my pregnancy and new motherhood that should be repeated to every pregnant woman and new mom.  These comments are encouraging, which is the place we want to stay when talking to someone so doped up on hormones!  Ha! 

“You look great!”

-This is always a good one, especially needed when feeling huge or after having the baby and not getting enough sleep.

“You are going to be such a good mother.”

-Most pregnant women are questioning whether or not they are going to be a good mom, this reassuring comment is wonderful.

“How are you feeling?”

-It’s nice to know someone cares about you.

“Is there anything I can do/get for you?”

-If you have suggestions (get you water, put something away, make a meal, buy something), that’s even better.

“You’ve lost the weight so fast!” 

-I loved when people noticed this, it made me feel more back-to-normal.  It’s nice to hear, even when you know it’s just been a few pounds.  Someone else noticing this is so uplifting.  Another variation, “I can’t believe you had a baby!  You look so good!”

“Can I get the door for you?”

-Always a nice one.  Sometimes maneuvering a big belly or diaper bag/car seat is difficult, not having to worry about opening the door is such a help.

“Your baby is beautiful.”

-Who doesn’t want to hear that something they made is beautiful?

“You are a great mom.”

-One of the highest compliments I have received (yes, I tear up every time).  It is also reassuring at times when I feel like a mess and that I don’t know what I’m doing.  Compare it to telling someone they are good at their job, when their job is one of the most important things to them.

Baby Wise Review

On Becoming Babywise:  Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep

by Gary Ezzo, M.A. and Robert Bucknam, M.D.

-This is most definitely a must read for moms.  It gives practical routines and focuses on parent-directed feeding.  This is somewhat in contrast to attachment parenting.  I believe that parents have to make their own decisions on how they want to raise their kids and what that looks like for them.

For me, PDF was a huge blessing.  I enjoy having a routine and a schedule, knowing what is coming next.  Following the “guidelines” from this book allowed Emmett to figure out how to sleep extended periods at night at a young age.  By 8 weeks, he was sleeping a minimum of 8 hours a night, most longer.  That amount extended quickly.  At 12 weeks, he was sleeping 12 hours at night, 8pm-8am.  He woke up happy.

One important point is the rhythm of the feed/wake/sleep cycle.  Awake time happens in between the feeding and going down for sleep.  I sometimes found this difficult with Emmett when he was just a few weeks old, as it was hard to keep him awake during the feeding, let alone after it!  It has definitely worked to our advantage since then.

Another important point of this book is to establish a wake up time.  I didn’t understand why this was important, but I think it starts the predictability of the day.  The book says, “It will help organize your baby’s feed/wake/sleep cycles during the day enabling you to plan ahead.”  The day has a predictable rhythm to it.

Another favorite point is that if the baby wakes up at the same time during the overnight, they might be waking up out of habit, not hunger.  Once we figured this out, we gave Emmett a little more time before we went in and he ended up going back to sleep for the rest of the night!

This is my favorite feed/sleep book.